i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
