I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
