My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
