Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
