I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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