I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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