We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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