I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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