I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
