Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
