I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
