dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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