Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
