your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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