we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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