Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i will never coherently bang her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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