I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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