Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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