my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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