you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
