as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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