is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
