none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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