I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
