I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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