If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
