he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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