Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
