he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
