Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
