Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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