I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
