i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
