I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just pee around me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
