he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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