We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
