Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
