I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
