i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
