i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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