and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
