smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize