Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
