It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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