Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
