Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
