youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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