now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
