Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
