I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
