I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
