the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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