smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
