He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
