I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
