Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
