It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
