There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
