He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
