There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
