if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ok first of all what the fuck
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