Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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