and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
