I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize