how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
