we're blogging at a bar
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
