Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize