This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
