I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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