Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
