cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
