Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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