I wanna bring you to show and tell
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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