i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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