I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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