Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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