this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Welp...herpes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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