I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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